In an additional effort to protect Americans from terrorists and criminals, I am taking a page from my vampyre ways and beliefs.
I will introduce the world to my elite counter-terrorist, anti-crime group called; Jonathon's Presidential Death Dealers, at a press conference in New Jersey at the beginning of 2007.
The Death Dealers are the "Special Force Group" of the 1st VWP Militia Regiment that I am the Commanding General of.
This elite group consist of female and male vampyres, who are not only be in charge of my family, as well as my personal security, they will carry out my orders to execute criminals, and bring to me those sentenced to be IMPALED.
I will not have the US Secret Service Agents (Secret Squirrels - as I now call them) at The White House. Nor will I be under their protection during my campaign or upon becoming President. My own people (vampyres) will protect me, my wife and my family.
The Death Dealers' executive/authoritative powers will be second only to mine and the Vice-President.
This group will be above the US Department of Justice, the US Department of Defense, Homeland Security, the CIA and the FBI. No US Department will have authority over them. They will only take orders from me.
However, let any of them conduct themselves in a manner that resembles the KGB or the Bush Administration, and I will personally torture and IMPALE them.
Their mission is to serve America, and protect Americans from any and all acts of terrorism, criminal deeds, and bring justice to the unjust.
VICTORY IS THE BIRTH RIGHT OF THE VAMPYRE. Under my Administration, with the assistance of this elite group of Vampyres, all Americans will enjoy victory. Victory over terrorism and criminals.
Jonathon "The Impaler"
Anyone from the Vampyre Community believes they have what it takes to become a Death Dealer, please email: